Whenever a person turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away ….But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit. II Corinthians 3:18

Early in my Christian walk I stopped my activity in inner-city ministry and began participating in an ex-gay group in search of help leaving an emotionally and sexually enmeshed relationship with another young lady. Over the next years I encountered the tattered state of my soul and the transforming healing power of Christ. The more I experienced what it meant to be “in Christ” the more I discovered my true self—righteous, beloved, the praise of His Glory. Abiding in Christ became and remains the focus of my sojourn home.

Eventually I became involved in ex-gay leadership and shared my testimony locally and nationally. In my testimony I spoke of a ravaged childhood, the sin of my lesbian relationship, and how the Holy Spirit helped me walk away from their grip. I learned to live as a fulfilled woman, not defined by my relationships with others, or by my sexuality, but my union with Christ. My union with Christ transformed me into a new creation unveiled before the throne of God. The whisperings (and sometimes shouts) of my old self still leave me clinging to His feet and humbled by His Glory.

When I chose to walk away from a romantic relationship with another woman, I did not believe that I would never feel attracted to women again (it is the rare ex-gay who would). Yet, I did at the time believe that any attraction I felt toward women illuminated unresolved root issues that needed healing. Whenever I was drawn to another woman I would bring my struggle to the attention of those in my support network. With the guidance of the Holy Spirit I would explore what those feelings may be revealing. I came to understand that my propensity toward emotional dependency was rooted in idolatry and that sometimes I eroticized my need to feel cherished, lovable, and wanted. As I handed over my broken places and needs to the shelter of my Redeemer I became able to maintain healthy relationships with both women and men out of a place of wholeness that honored others and Christ.

…Stay tuned for tomorrow’s continuation.

This past Monday we featured a story about a Wheaton Alumni’s attempt to announce the birth of her daughter in the Alumni magazine. An important question that story should raise for everyone one is:
Who is the Alumni magazine for?
And in asking that question it raises a great many other questions for any student past or present who has graced the halls of Wheaton College. If your an alum can you be ‘disowned’ by Wheaton based on your actions and life choices after leaving the school? If this is the case, then what criteria remain that an alumni must abide by to continue to be a part of the community?
The questions become more complex. It is important for everyone to see that this is not a simple issue, there are many other issues and confrontations that arise. I encourage you to consider them.

Starting tomorrow you will have the opportunity to hear the story of another Wheaton (and Trinity International University) Alum. We have split her testimony into four parts for you to take in throughout the week. Please listen. Be sensitive and acknowledge what is presented. Let your gentleness be evident to all.

A student at ACU put together a five minute video for the Soulforce trip to his campus:

A video about hate by Christians towards gays and lesbians, and hope for a new future. In the first part I show the hate and prejudice some Christians have shown towards homosexuals. In the second part I promote Jesus’ death as a means for us to find unity. I made this for SoulForce’s Equality Ride to my school, Abilene Christian University. The first two minutes are hard to watch, but it does get better.

I was at Wheaton from 85-89 and there was no such thing as “coming out”. It was never even a topic–and I hung out in the art/theatre group. My senior year I met the woman who would become my girlfriend. Fundamentalist Christianity had me so suppressed that I didn’t even believe I was a lesbian even when we were intimate. I believed it was a phase. We told no one, although the art/theatre group could see it and didn’t care. This was before the issue of gay rights had really hit the religious right so there was no seek and destroy attitudes toward us. If we had officially come out, however, I say with 100% confidence that we would have been expelled. My girlfriend and I were both tormented by our feelings and put ourselves in counseling with Overcomers. It was very interesting, and amazingly damaging. It took me years to get over the compulsion to “fix” the “broken” relationship with my mother that “caused” me to be gay. Of course I now know that the relationship was never broken and nothing about her caused me to be gay.

After graduating my girlfriend and I parted geographically and romantically, but stayed close emotionally. I was celibate for seven years (dated men for “cover”) and worked through the long process of accepting God’s love for me the way He made me. I still told no one. Then in 1996 I met my future wife (married in 2005 in Canada). As a new Christian she didn’t carry around the excess baggage of fundamentalism. With child-like faith she helped me address my self-hate and become a healthy, balanced Christian. We had to leave the church we were going to–a really hip, Gen X church–once we came out. We embarked on a quest: how to find an accepting church that isn’t Unitarian Universalist. We ended up at an American Baptist Church. It’s not hip, but they are biblically sound and 100% accepting. This is important because 75% accepting or 50% accepting is rather common–”you are a child of God so we love you but don’t expect to be allowed to work in the children’s department any time soon.” We were immediately drafted to work with kids.

My next Wheaton experience came when I tried to get my daughter’s birth announcement put in the Alumni magazine. I mailed in my first announcement. This how it looked: (my name) (’89) and (feminine name) _____ announce the birth of their daughter, _____, on May 1, 2002. Grandparents are _____ (’61) and _____ (faculty 60-62) _____. I didn’t send them a marriage announcement, didn’t say “… and her partner” or “… and her wife”, I just used a basic format. I figured my parents being alumna and faculty could only help. One year went by. Nothing. I called and spoke to the editor and he apologized for overlooking me (I didn’t give my name) and he said if I faxed it in it would be in the next magazine. I did. It has been nearly two years. For some reason, it is really pissing me off. I am not grandstanding and I am not ashamed. I just want to let my peers know that I had a kid. I was able to post her announcement on the Alumni website and I am confident that it is still there only because it has not been discovered. (After this posting I am sure that my days are numbered.) I have contemplated calling the Alumni office and simply telling them to remove my phone number from the list that gets called every year. For the last two years I have told the callers that “She isn’t here right now, can I take a message?” because I don’t want to subject some Freshman to what is really on my mind: The only thing that I want out of the relationship between me and Wheaton College is access to the Alumni Magazine so that I can learn about the lives of my peers and they can learn about mine. If I can’t have that, why should Wheaton have access to me to solicit money?

Alumna of ‘89

Katie Higgins, one of the Equality Rider’s has this account of the picture above:

In Tennessee, our bus had it’s first dance with a hate crime: a mother and her teenage son drove up, jumped out of the car and spray painted, “FAGS-MOBILE” on the side in bright pink. The only further attention that I would like to give to this story is that the next day a group of students from Lee University (the school we were there for) came out to the hotel and washed it off. Thank you to them, now if only your school would stop promoting the discrimination that reinforces this kind of behavior. That’s all I ask.

You can read more about Katie’s experience’s on the road with the Equality Ride at her blog.