Staycie’s Story: the Testimony of a Wheaton Alumni (pt. 3)
I spent well over a year in thought, prayer, and Christian council with the final month spent in solitude and fasting. I came to the other side of this season at peace with marrying Kathy who also happens to be a woman. As expected and promised several people cut off all relationship with me. Some people seemed to stick around for a time in hopes of helping one or both of us up when we finally realized that we had “fallen.” Unbelievably, even one or two were happy for us. For me my new understanding meant resigning from school because I no longer agreed with or wanted to uphold the school covenant. I wanted to be engaged to Kathy. If there is anything that I regret about this time in my life it is how easily I let others walk away from me, sometimes by walking away first. I sometimes wish that I had ignored the unspoken rules that engulf Wheaton’s campus and simply taken my covenant contract off file. Then waited for people who knew my relationship with Jesus and who had long considered me their equal sister in Christ to look me in the eye and say that I was no longer Christ’s disciple—not one in good standing anyway. Then perhaps they would be more likely to struggle and comprehend the profound implications of those assertions (which honestly make the importance of my beliefs about homosexuality and Christian discipleship pale in comparison).
When I heard that Wheaton Administrators were allowing the equality ride to come on campus I was deeply saddened and struck by their cowardice and hypocrisy. The GLBT Alumni have been asking for a voice on Wheaton’s campus and in their policy on sexuality for years. These are individuals from their own community who understand how Wheaton approaches Scripture and Christ (and often agree), who have given of their lives to the campus, but who have never been welcomed into dialogue at the forefront of campus discussion. Of course it is easy to let people onto the campus to talk with us when they can be easily dismissed as “not Christian” because the group includes Buddhists, secularist, humanists, etc… It even allows Wheaton to not worry about being closed minded or accused of homophobia. They simply get to find a gracious way of saying, “your cry for equality does not apply to the Wheaton community given that everyone in the Wheaton community are Bible believing Christians while you are human centric pluralists. Truly born again scripturally accurate monotheists know the Bible condemns all homosexuality and therefore so must we.” When it comes to the Wheaton GLBT Alumni they would have to be bolder and say, “You are not welcome among us because what you have to say does not apply to us, um we mean those still here on campus, because we disagree with your hermeneutics.”
Ok, so I’m an anthro major and a sophomore at wheaton…
Thank you so much for sharing your story, it’s given me a lot to think about. Actually, what with S.F. coming in almost a week, I’ve been thinking about a lot about this issue. I’ve really struggled with what the truth is, and whose right.
Honestly, when hearing these stories I want to be deeply sympathetic to their message. I mean, it’s pretty clear that, regardless of how you want to interpret various bible passages on same sex activity, many people in the church (including myself, at times) have done a pathetic job of showing love to the GLBT community. Having heard some more about what life is like for them from Overflow really makes me want to reach out to them.
Honestly, I’m not sure what Paul’s condemnations against homosexuality really mean, and I really desire to take the Bible seriously, so I’m not just going to try to explain those passages away. At the same time, I believe the same Bible calls me to love people unconditionally the way that Christ shows love to me… so I’m feeling really torn and confused. Somebody help me!
Comment by Michael — April 11, 2006 @ 5:35 pm
Hey Michael,
I think you’re right in saying that the church today has done precious little in loving the GLBT community. However, the world is changing, and so is the church. Simply by mere exposure, the issue of homosexuality doesn’t elicit the same response it would have 50, or even 20 years ago. I’m no philosopher or theologian, but I think post-modernism has forced Christians to start challenging the fundamentalist frame of thought. This slightly-deconstructionist point of view needs to be coupled with a strong dependence on the Spirit and His word, lest we in our falleness throw out the baby with the bathwater. Those who have come before us have spent their whole lives pondering such issues, and we would be extremely foolish to throw out their words based on our own ‘wisdom’ or fancy. The least we could do is to respect what has withstood time.
With that said, I think that we can feel comfortable in challenging how today’s church displays love, though we must be careful to be part of the solution as well. We can challenge the form in which Christianity is displayed, and be open to the fact that Christ is not limited to specific cultural manifestations. However, we cannot be too quick to throw out the truths that transcend culture. For example, God’s nature of justice and love allows him to love us for who we are without fully approving of what we do. But since we are not God, we wrestle with discerning what God considers to be right and wrong, as well as loving like he does. That however, should not hinder us from doing both to the best of our ability.
I think you’re right. These stories from brothers and sisters put a reality on this issue and should move us to greater understanding and love. However, loving does not mean we need to change our views, as some people (on both sides of the argument) would have us believe. I am not against switching my thoughts on homosexual actions and what Scripture says about it, if indeed someone can show me that the view makes sense. That just hasn’t been the case.
Christ loved us and will continue to love us no matter how many times we stumble. However, he still holds a standard for us. We may debate what that standard is, but like God’s love for us, it is not mutually exclusive of disagreement. Just as I disagree with brothers and sisters in issues other than homosexuality, I am to nonethless love them. To me, the difference between some theological/interpretational issues and the homosexual debate is that the homosexual debate seems more clear cut. (Of course, the disagreement is that my previous statement is untrue.)
Just my cents.
Blessings,
Chuck
Comment by Chuck Liu — April 11, 2006 @ 8:53 pm
Staycie, you do pose an interesting question about why the campus does not allow the GLBT alumni to have any words to speak. Sadly, I think that it has much to do with politics and issues like gifts and contributions from other alum from an older generation. It’s very unfortunate, but I hope that as we become the alumni, that will change in the future. If we really believe that we have a legitimate interpretation of Scripture’s commands about homosexual actions, then we shouldn’t fear such a discussion. Things take time to change as much as we would like them to be instantaneous. (Like dancing, ha!…. many alumni are still angry about that.) Christians in America have quite a fundamentalist legacy to replace (despite its contributions to the preservation of the faith, historically speaking.)
Comment by Chuck Liu — April 11, 2006 @ 9:05 pm
Stayce, thank you so much for recognizing current students like me who are unable to speak publically! Your story is inspirational! I am a woman who is in love with another woman and very much committed to my faith. I would love to be able to speak openly to fellow students about my beliefs and experiences, but to do so would mean expulsion from school. I admire your bravery and your honesty. God bless you!
Comment by Anonymous current student — April 11, 2006 @ 10:47 pm
Stayce,
As the anonymous current student said, you are brave! Thanks for your honesty. You’ve presented the whole picture, the process of the real struggle.
Some people think that we wake up one morning and say to ourselves, “Let’s disobey God and become gay.” Quite the contrary… It’s an agonizing journey involving so many intricate factors and details. There are days when we think we’ve found God’s grace and can live in the fullness of our identity. There are days of complete doubt. All along the way, we desperately want to please God; and at the very least, to experience His love.
Blessings!
Suzanne
Comment by Suzanne R. — April 12, 2006 @ 11:45 am
Michael,
I appreciate how heartfelt your comment is. This is hard stuff! I thought I had headaches when I was trying to figure out the Trinity… Today our family was talking about Jesus’ death and resurrection and one of my five year olds said “but wait, now, is there lots of God’s?” …I’ll come to Wheaton and be your stand-in next week if you come here and be my stand-in on this!
To be honest I think you are in a wonderful place. There is nothing saying you have to have it figured out by next week. Just smile and nod a lot or go for long off campus walks.
There is some more of “my story” to follow and I would like to hear more about what you are “torn and confused over”.
May you find the Prince of Peace comforting you as you journey on.
Staycie
Comment by staycie — April 12, 2006 @ 9:34 pm
Dance on chuck….
May your brother’s and sisters remember your prescence in their midst Current Anon
I think He is pleased with you Suzanne
Comment by staycie — April 12, 2006 @ 9:39 pm
there are lots of things going on in Staycie’s story, but I will comment on just one thing. The lesson here is: if you want to see something happen at Wheaton (a conversation, a debate, a discussion), don’t wait for an invitation, just come. Of course Wheaton College doesn’t want to talk about homosexuality and traditional Christian ethics in such a public way. I am grateful to God that we’re having the conversations now. Regardless of your hermeneutics or conclusions, this conversation is a very good thing. I hope it brings some measure of comfort and healing to you, Staycie and I very much hope it brings clarity and peace to students such as Michael. But it isn’t because I believe administrators are bad people or unconcerned that, if given the option, they’ll vote for keeping things easy. Sometimes, ya gotta just make some noise.
Comment by Brian Howell — April 14, 2006 @ 2:13 pm
I find this book to be a good starting place:
Holben, L. R. (1999). What Christians think about homosexuality : six representative viewpoints. Bibal Press.
Coalition for Christain Outreach state:
“Six representative positions are presented along the spectrum ranging from a position of condemnation of homosexuality (the ““far right”) to its liberation (the “far left”) and celebration. The positions include condemnation, a promise of healing, a call to costly discipleship, pastoral accommodation, affirmation and liberation. These six positions are offered as a working model and we might find ourselves easily crossing between two positions. Using a debate format, each position addresses twelve questions. The twelve questions are intended to address presuppositions, moral conclusions and practical consequences for the individual, church and society. They are as follows:
1. What is the ultimate authority upon which any moral judgment regarding homosexuals and/or homosexual acts is to be based?
2. What is the God-given intent or design for human sexuality?
3. What are the necessary criteria for morally legitimate sexual expression?
4. Is there a “homosexual condition” (orientation) and, if so, what is its cause or origin?
5. Can a legitimate moral distinction be made between a homosexual condition (orientation) and homosexual acts?
6. What is the psychological significance of homosexuality?
7. What is the spiritual significance of homosexuality?
8. Can a homosexual become heterosexual (the question of “cure”)?
9. What is the moral opinion arrived at, given the responses to Questions 1 through 8?
10. What is the pastoral call of Christ for the gay man or lesbian?
11. What is the pastoral call of Christ to the church on the issue?
12. What is the political call of Christ to society on the issues?
Once these twelve questions are addressed, representative denominational and para-church positions are presented. After each perspective is presented, a cross-perspective critique is given. The end of the text reviews common biblical texts used by the various positions and interpretations that are drawn from these texts by each perspective. He also includes a useful bibliography presenting works from across the spectrum of opinion. “
Comment by staycie — April 17, 2006 @ 2:36 pm