Staycie’s Story: the Testimony of a Wheaton Alumni (pt. 1)
Whenever a person turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away ….But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit. II Corinthians 3:18
Early in my Christian walk I stopped my activity in inner-city ministry and began participating in an ex-gay group in search of help leaving an emotionally and sexually enmeshed relationship with another young lady. Over the next years I encountered the tattered state of my soul and the transforming healing power of Christ. The more I experienced what it meant to be “in Christ” the more I discovered my true self—righteous, beloved, the praise of His Glory. Abiding in Christ became and remains the focus of my sojourn home.
Eventually I became involved in ex-gay leadership and shared my testimony locally and nationally. In my testimony I spoke of a ravaged childhood, the sin of my lesbian relationship, and how the Holy Spirit helped me walk away from their grip. I learned to live as a fulfilled woman, not defined by my relationships with others, or by my sexuality, but my union with Christ. My union with Christ transformed me into a new creation unveiled before the throne of God. The whisperings (and sometimes shouts) of my old self still leave me clinging to His feet and humbled by His Glory.
When I chose to walk away from a romantic relationship with another woman, I did not believe that I would never feel attracted to women again (it is the rare ex-gay who would). Yet, I did at the time believe that any attraction I felt toward women illuminated unresolved root issues that needed healing. Whenever I was drawn to another woman I would bring my struggle to the attention of those in my support network. With the guidance of the Holy Spirit I would explore what those feelings may be revealing. I came to understand that my propensity toward emotional dependency was rooted in idolatry and that sometimes I eroticized my need to feel cherished, lovable, and wanted. As I handed over my broken places and needs to the shelter of my Redeemer I became able to maintain healthy relationships with both women and men out of a place of wholeness that honored others and Christ.
…Stay tuned for tomorrow’s continuation.
Someone referred me to this site, and I just read this post. This story is nothing unusual, as I’ve heard similar stories before. But, good that God is working in your life.
Yes, there are root issues to practically everything we say, think, and do. I know heterosexual people have root issues leading up to sexual sin. I know heterosexuals who have been sexually and physically abused, did not consider homosexuality, yet have lived lives inflicted with the pain of the past. Their lives and the negativity they’ve experienced have caused a ripple effect upon their children and grandchildren.
If we use the logic that homosexuality is caused by root sin, trauma, emotional / psychological issues, then what about the heterosexuals who have unhealthy and unholy relationships? We could then say that heterosexual relationships are wrong because they’re carrying root sin, trauma, etc.
There’s the argument that homosexuality is on the same level as incest. This logic doesn’t make sense either. I’ve no sisters, only brothers. I don’t know what it’s like to have a sisterly relationship. So, whenever I’m around a man, I have only my brothers as precedents for relationships. Therefore, in effect, a heterosexual relationship for me could be a form of incest.
Again, there are root causes for everything we say, think, and do. This doesn’t mean that the homosexual identity is invalid or wrong, because that logic could be carried over to heterosexual who, even if married, are in unhealthy or unholy relationships.
Comment by Suzanne R. — April 10, 2006 @ 7:45 am
Suzanne,
Thank you for your comments and pointing out a possible perception of my words. I a glad it has led us to an outside dialogue (and that this community has a chance to spend some time checking out your blog).
I would not say that my “root issues” determined my sexual proclivities I would say that my root issues enabled my relationship to be unhealthy, it so happened that the relationship was with a women, if I were a different woman I could have just as easily been talking about a man. In maturity (or what sometimes passes for it) I do not think that spiritual, emotional, and psychological “brokenness” determines sexual orientation that would be naive and simplistic: often like me when I was 19 and sadly what I was taught about same-sex relationships. Please read the rest of the posts to see where I am going before you decide where I have stayed .
I do think that human romances are often (not always) riddled with distorted issues in conjunction with healthy issues that lead to attraction and that those “issues” are sometimes unknown/unacknowledged by people regardless if the attraction is hetero or homo. (I have a penchant for thick wild hair and motorcycles over clean cut grooming and sedans, the reasoning is probably vast.) Does this impulse define who I am…No…that territory belongs to the Holy, and are but a piece of my living as a spiritual being who expresses herself through choices, thoughts, emotions, and body. While I do not think it is necessary to go digging around looking for things “distorted” when those places have come to my attention I have found great intimacy and healing by seeing these places as Christ sees them and embracing them as Christ has embraced them. It has been entering into the shadows of my soul particularly in the area of sexuality: whether it is has been around experiences of attraction, celebration, and/or violations that has allowed me to deeply understand what it means to belong to Christ pure, righteous, and beloved. This is where I think Christians who find themselves attracted to those of the opposite gender or same gender can learn from the spiritual journey’s that many who dance with such labels as “ex-gay”, “sexually addicted” “sexually traumatized”, “repentant sexual abusers” and “ex ex-gay” have traveled.
Comment by staycie — April 12, 2006 @ 10:13 am
Just a little more…
I believe that my desire to love the Lord my God with all my heart, all my mind, and all my strength does not come from my own striving, but as a gift of my union with Christ through the Holy Spirit. I trust that the weight of this gift will prove heavier than the weight of my “brokenness” and/or “worldly desires”. While on this side of Heaven living in Christ is a tension where I am laying “aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit”, and I “put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.” (Ephesians 4) I can only hold up under this tension because I am searched out, known, and claimed by the One who calls me to walk in the light of truth. Sometimes the light is a purging fire destroying my attachments to this world and revealing my attachment to righteousness. Sometimes it is a gentle embrace telling me who I truly am when the very forces of hell claim differently. Every step out of the shadows into His radiant light is a dance with glory, and I am transformed.
Comment by staycie — April 13, 2006 @ 6:38 pm
Okay, maybe I should have said I am having a conversation with myself….:)
Comment by staycie — April 13, 2006 @ 6:44 pm
LOL. Funny (conversing with self). It sounds like you’re trying to prove that you have the same (spiritual) struggles as a straight Christian. And, in proving yourself, you present yourself as a normal person (whatever that means).
Gay people are just like everyone else… we have the same doughnut hole in the middle, waiting to be filled with the Spirit. (I’m thinking of Dunkin’ Doughnuts right now.. don’t know why.)
O.k. My point is… I think the more us gay people speak freely about our spiritual struggles… the more straight people will see that we’re not the scum of the earth, the trolls waiting under bridges, or the devils running in the streets.
P.S. Speaking of spiritual things… because I want to encourage my sister in Christ… I’m being bad for a moment by being online… I’m supposed to be observing Holy Week. My bad!
Blessings to all! ~Suzanne
Comment by Suzanne R. — April 13, 2006 @ 10:19 pm
I also think that sharing our stories will challenge other Christians to grow. I think a majority of Christians never stop and think about their sexual life beyond what is right and wrong. I strongly believe that Christians (regardless of sexual orientation) who have labored to place their romantic hungers, erotic desires, and sexual struggles on God’s altar are unique in God’s kingdom. They have understandings beyond, under, and around “right and wrong” that can powerfully build up the body of Christ. Often, their most personal pains and joys hold universal truths that a majority of Christians never stop to comprehend.
I am with you Suzanne…time to turn off the computer, take a break…and think only think about Jesus for awhile…
I hope every one has a beautiful Easter experience….Give a Shout….Dance a Jig….HE IS ALIVE!!!!
Comment by staycie — April 14, 2006 @ 9:30 am